Why Every Indian is Born With an Inbuilt 'Shaadi' Countdown Timer

In India, the moment you're born, there’s already someone calculating the exact age you should be getting married. “Beta, don’t worry, abhi toh time hai,” they say, but secretly, they've already picked out a prospective match for you—probably some aunty's son who’s a software engineer in the US.

Let’s explore the fascinating world of Indian expectations, where every life milestone comes with a generous helping of unsolicited advice.

1. The Great Indian Family Expectations The moment you turn 25, shaadi becomes the hottest topic at every family gathering. You’d think the country is running on arranged marriages like petrol pumps. But let me tell you, the struggle is real. “Beta, when are you settling down?” As if 'settling' is something you do like putting down roots. How do you explain to them that your idea of ‘settling’ is figuring out what to eat for dinner tonight?

Also, apparently, your ‘perfect match’ is a stranger they found in some newspaper ad. Yeah, thanks, but I think I’ll pass.

2. The Obsession with Government Jobs “Beta, IAS kab ban rahe ho?” If you’re an Indian kid and haven’t heard this, you’re probably lying. The dream of getting a sarkaari naukri is so deeply ingrained that it's practically a rite of passage. Never mind that you’re working a perfectly respectable job at a startup. That doesn't count. A ‘government job’ is the holy grail of parental approval. Job security? Check. Marriage prospects? Double-check.

3. The Art of Bargaining (Because Why Not?) Only in India can you watch someone haggle over five rupees like it’s a national sport. It doesn't matter if they just dropped 50k on a new phone—when it comes to street vendors, the bargaining skills come out in full force. “Bhaiya, last price batao na! Hum regular customer hain.” Because obviously, buying vegetables once a month makes you a regular. But let’s be honest, we all love a good deal.

4. Indian Weddings: A Whole Netflix Series When it comes to weddings, Indians take the phrase “Go big or go home” very seriously. It’s not just a wedding—it’s an event. A week-long marathon where relatives you’ve never seen before suddenly appear and act like you’re best friends. You’re forced to participate in an endless loop of functions, complete with matching outfits and awkward family photos. By the time the big day arrives, you're half asleep from the exhaustion of dodging questions like “Toh tum kab kar rahe ho shaadi?”

5. The Bollywood Dream vs. Reality Ah, Bollywood. The movies have convinced an entire generation that love happens through dance sequences in the rain. In real life, the only thing we’re dancing around is how to reply to “Aur beta, promotion kab mil raha hai?” Sure, we’d all love to run around mustard fields in a chiffon saree, but try doing that in Delhi heat and see what happens. Sweat patches, anyone?

6. Food: The One Thing We’ll Never Compromise On Food is basically the backbone of Indian life. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and at least three chai breaks in between—because who are we without our samosas and chai? And don’t even try suggesting a diet. You’ll get side-eye faster than you can say “keto.” “Beta, ek laddoo kha lo na,” will turn into, “How can you refuse your own mother’s food?” But let’s face it, no one can resist a good biryani. Especially not when it’s homemade.

7. The Never-Ending Traffic If you can drive in Indian traffic, you can survive anything. It’s like playing a video game where every level involves dodging cows, pedestrians, and an auto-rickshaw that decides to turn without warning. You know you're truly Indian when you instinctively stick your hand out to stop traffic, like some kind of superhero with zero powers. Good luck reaching your destination, though. You might as well have packed snacks for the journey.

Conclusion (aka, Why We Love Being Indian Anyway)

Sure, we deal with the shaadi brigade, the traffic chaos, and relatives who won’t stop prying into our lives, but at the end of the day, India is home. There’s something uniquely comforting about the madness, the food, the family gatherings, and even the unsolicited advice. After all, where else in the world can you bargain for 10 rupees, attend a wedding with 500 guests, and still be asked when you’re getting married at age 30?

So, the next time someone asks you, “Beta, future ka kya plan hai?” just smile, sip your chai, and say, “Jo hoga dekha jayega, uncle.”